While some people may see red flags when they consider sharing a hobby with their partner that involves trying to choke eachother, those who have tried it, know its quite the contrary. We all joke about wanting to choke out significant other from time to time (right?), but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing! In fact, Mike Deaney, a blue belt at Bayshore BJJ who has trained along with his wife Jessica for years claims “Its given me a healthy fear of my wife!”
Sharing experiences together is among the cornerstones of relationship building. While any experience or hobby may suffice, at least temporarily, committing to learning a martial art together is one of the most impactful experiences.
When you commit to learning a martial art (we recommend Jiu Jitsu due to the fact that its a very safe martial art to train, and its effective for people of all sizes. In fact, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is THE BEST martial art for women due to its focus on leveraging multiple/strong muscle groups against smaller ones to overpower their opponents. A Google search of respected female jiu jitsu standouts like Amanda Leve and Danielle Kelly (who trains under world renowned instructors Karel “Silver Fox” Pravec at Silver Fox BJJ and “Smashpass” Jay Regalbuto) will yield you videos of matches where they’ve competed against, and impressively choked out well trained men in competition:
Often couples who train together will seek healthy lifestyles and tend to ponder the same questions throughout the day. In addition, the intricacy and constant evolution of the art means that there will never be a lack of material to talk about. Mike Milewski, another Bayshore BJJ blue belt who trains with his wife Lisa stated that “sometimes it can be difficult to create new common hobbies with your other half, but training BJJ made that easy.” On top of this, there are a number of other benefits to training with your significant other:
- Jiu Jitsu makes you happy. It relieves stress, by forcing students to focus on something outside the scope of life’s stressors. In addition, the physicality of the training brings upon a rush of endorphins that will help regulate your mood throughout the day. While relationships can sometimes be hard, and life can at times beat you down, training jiu jitsu will allow you to be the best version of you for your partner.
- It builds trust. In training jiu jitsu, one must learn to be trustworthy, and also to trust their training partners. Training in the wrong environment, in a place with the wrong training mentality can be dangerous, but at Bayshore BJJ, as in many of the great Brazilian Jiu Jitsu schools out there, “your training partner is the most important person in the room.” We must always practice safely and be conscious of eachothers wellbeing. At Bayshore BJJ, training is collaborative, rather than combative: just as all relationships should be.
- Training Jiu-Jitsu, MMA or any other martial art is difficult. It teaches you to stay calm and optimistic, even in the toughest of moments. Jiu jitsu teaches you to anticipate problems before they manifest, and solve them regardless of their level of difficulty. In life, and in marriage, there will always be ups and downs, and through a shared jiu jitsu mindset, you’ll always be ready to take on life’s challenges together.
- Training jiu jitsu is a collaborative effort, and partnering with your spouse helps to train you in the art of teamwork. Techniques can be very detailed, and sequences can get tricky, so having a good partner to fill you in on what you’re missing (and vice versa) is incredibly important. It is easy to see where this appreciation of teamwork can serve to strengthen your relationship!
- Respect. Respect is paramount in relationships, as it is on the jiu jitsu mats. When you train with someone, you get a true sense of who the person is, and what they are capable of. You would be amazed at what jiu jitsu brings out in people. In every jiu jitsu journey there are highs and lows, and people will be tested physically and mentally on a regular basis. There will be hard rounds where they will have to dig deep, and they will find themselves in bad positions and work hard to find their ways out of them. The sport will try and make you quit, and you will find that inner strength that maybe some people didn’t even realize they had, and they will persevere. Seeing a person go through this, and experiencing it alongside them forges a respect that is simply undeniable.
Dave and Amanda Lonnay (2 other Bayshore BJJ blue belts, and Amanda actually started first!) feel that “jiu jitsu has done so much for us. Just having the common interest made us so much closer. Having to share mat time with 2 children under 4 really pushes us to communicate and made us both better individually, which has resulted in us being so much stronger as a unit. Also, jiu jitsu builds confidence, and confidence looks great on people.”
If you’ve been looking for a way to connect more with your partner, and get in great shape while doing so, search out a reputable jiu jitsu school near you, call and set up a trial class. If you’re in Monmouth County, NJ, we’d love you to reach out to us at Bayshore BJJ. We are known for our family focused, positive atmosphere and we’ve been voted the best martial arts school in the county twice now, in our 3 years of operation!